I also see those who aren't posting anything today. You're living your lives completely, seemingly unaffected. Maybe you're scared of what others will think if you share your opinion. Maybe you don't know how you feel about the disturbing times we're living in. Maybe you don't know how to talk about "black" issues. Maybe you don't think there's a problem. So, let me share my perspective, because after reading posts that continue to blindly justify law enforcement actions without ever acknowledging a loss of life (emphasis on blindly), and that continue to say, in Mr. Castile's situation specifically, "He should've just followed the officer's commands!" (ridiculous, on many human and legal levels) and after seeing things like "all lives matter" (they do, of course, but you've completely missed the point if you keep saying that), maybe a fraction of my social media friends will wake up, and that will be enough for me.
More importantly, I cannot be silent any longer. I refuse to remain neutral on this issue. Neutrality on this issue IS actually taking a side and that is with oppression of people of color. (Note my new Facebook profile pic. Snazzy, huh?)
In case you haven't noticed, I am a white woman. Shocker, I know! But, I am more than this. I am a white woman who lives in a black family. You see my cover photo on Facebook? I have black sons and black daughters. Yeah, those are MY people. Those young black men have come out of my body, my womb. Do I need to be more explicit than that on where they came from? They are flesh of my flesh. Those beautiful young black queens you see me with all the time? Those are my amazing, WHIP-SMART daughters. So, I am not just a white woman.
Oh, but Becky. Your kids are mixed! They aren't "black-black." Yeah, I've heard this. Well, that may be. However, I can't tell you the number of times I've rolled up and people are SHOCKED that my children come with a white woman for a mother. So, to the world, on their very appearance and without any notion of their "mixed" heritage, my children will be considered "black."
Guess what? We celebrate that in my household! The other day, little Will and I were talking about the fact that he is brown and I am white. You know what he told me? "Gee Mom, I'm sorry you can't be brown like me. That's too bad." HE WAS BEING SERIOUS AND GENUINE. He actually felt bad for me that I couldn't be brown like him. I will never forget that moment. It's one of those memories my family will recount happily over and over.
However, I am a white woman when it comes to white privilege. I have so many stories of how my white privilege has gotten me out of sticky situations, with police no less, that I don't have enough time or room on this post to share all of them. As a citizen (not a lawyer) I have questioned police and even gotten pretty heated about situations and not a single thing happened to me. Just last week, I got out of a speeding ticket where I was 15 mph over the limit. Even the state trooper told me he almost never gives a warning for a violation that far over the limit. I have zero doubt I was given that mercy because I am white.
Worse, I have so many stories about how my husband and my teenage son have been profiled and discriminated against because they are black. I won't share those here, but if you don't believe me, message me. I'll share them with you.
Bottom line: It's no longer OK to stand on the sidelines and watch this madness. It's no longer OK to ignore what's happening. White friends, I'm talking to you. If you know me. If you call me friend in any capacity. If you have ever spoken to my husband or cheered for one of my children at their sporting events or if your kids have come to my kids' birthday parties, know that I see you. I'm watching how you react to all of this. There's no in between. You can't be cool with the Moores and then talk about how black lives matter is just ridiculous. We're not just the "cool" black people (something my husband has been told before in the Owatonna community - "Wow, you're a pretty cool black guy, Will. Not like the rest of them." Huh? Um, yes, he is just like the rest of them.)
In therapy, they do this novel thing, where the person who has been hurt tells you (or the other person) how they're feeling. Instead of the other person being able to say back how they feel or how the hurt person has hurt or wronged them, the other person has to acknowledge the hurt they have just heard and repeat it back in the hurt person's own words. You are literally saying, "I hear you. I may not know exactly what you've been through, but I acknowledge your pain." This is what starts the healing process.
Why aren't we as white people doing this for our black brothers and sisters? Why can't we just acknowledge the pain, the struggle?
In case you're wondering, I am not anti-cop. Goodness, I couldn't imagine going out every day and facing the things they face. I have so much respect for law enforcement who do their jobs right. Their jobs come with great power. In some instances, that power gets abused often with the un-vindicated sacrifice of black lives. I am pro-black. Oh yes, yes I am very pro-black. But that doesn't mean I'm anti-white. I come from a white family. Hello?! My point is the two are not mutually exclusive. I can be both.
You're still with me? Wow, good for you. You probably deserve a prize, but instead, I have some suggestions for you:
1. If you hate black people and are not open to reason or logic, you can probably delete me and go live under a rock, under the sea, where there's no oxygen. Kidding. (Kinda).
2. If you just aren't sure how you feel about all of this and you think all law enforcement should never be questioned and they can do no wrong ever, and what's up with all of these black people killing each other anyway? You should start listening. Start paying attention. Get out of your white comfort zone. Come hang out with the Moores! We are pretty cool people, even though we're 50 shades of brown and peach (sorry, no grey)! Seriously, start educating yourselves on things that may make you uncomfortable. I take that back. Start educating yourselves on things that WILL make you uncomfortable.
If nothing else, start asking questions about these officer-involved shootings: would this happen if it were a white person? White guys, if you've been in situations with police officers, did this happen to you? When you got a little testy with the cops, were you ever afraid for your life? Did you think, "Gosh, I should shut up or I might take a bullet?" No? Well, that's white privilege. Be thankful for it, but recognize it and use it to speak up for people who aren't as lucky because they were born with melanin that works better than yours.
3. If you are sick of seeing another black guy get killed every other day, take action. Call your legislators. Tell them you are done with this and you are demanding change. They make the laws after all. Ask them what legislation can be enacted to better train local law enforcement. Law enforcement should not be reacting with gunfire in every situation. It's not necessary. Why are local law enforcement handling traffic stops as war time situations? What can be done to better educate law enforcement, leaders in our communities on cultural differences?
4. You aren't very political and don't think your legislators will do anything? OK, get to know some black people. You have some neighbors or people in your church or school that are black? Go talk to them! Seriously. I am convinced that we're all just 5-year-olds on the inside and we've forgotten that. Invite them onto your committees. Compliment them on their new hair-do. God forbid, have your kids get to know their kids. Yes, there are differences between black people and white people. Duh! Instead of being scared of those differences, let's acknowledge them. This is not rocket science, people. It's called being decent humans and maybe getting out of our comfort zones and including others, who may (or get this, may NOT) be different from us. Didn't we all learn this in kindergarten??
OK, rant over. Maybe someone will be enlightened. Maybe you'll just hate me more. Either way, you know where Rebecca Moore stands. I hope you don't delete me if you disagree with me. Let's keep talking about this stuff! Seriously, if you disagree with me, message me. Let's get together and talk.
At the end of the day, where will you be on the day one of my black children needs you? Will you stand up with us and for us?
Bottom line: It's no longer OK to stand on the sidelines and watch this madness. It's no longer OK to ignore what's happening. White friends, I'm talking to you. If you know me. If you call me friend in any capacity. If you have ever spoken to my husband or cheered for one of my children at their sporting events or if your kids have come to my kids' birthday parties, know that I see you. I'm watching how you react to all of this. There's no in between. You can't be cool with the Moores and then talk about how black lives matter is just ridiculous. We're not just the "cool" black people (something my husband has been told before in the Owatonna community - "Wow, you're a pretty cool black guy, Will. Not like the rest of them." Huh? Um, yes, he is just like the rest of them.)
In therapy, they do this novel thing, where the person who has been hurt tells you (or the other person) how they're feeling. Instead of the other person being able to say back how they feel or how the hurt person has hurt or wronged them, the other person has to acknowledge the hurt they have just heard and repeat it back in the hurt person's own words. You are literally saying, "I hear you. I may not know exactly what you've been through, but I acknowledge your pain." This is what starts the healing process.
Why aren't we as white people doing this for our black brothers and sisters? Why can't we just acknowledge the pain, the struggle?
In case you're wondering, I am not anti-cop. Goodness, I couldn't imagine going out every day and facing the things they face. I have so much respect for law enforcement who do their jobs right. Their jobs come with great power. In some instances, that power gets abused often with the un-vindicated sacrifice of black lives. I am pro-black. Oh yes, yes I am very pro-black. But that doesn't mean I'm anti-white. I come from a white family. Hello?! My point is the two are not mutually exclusive. I can be both.
You're still with me? Wow, good for you. You probably deserve a prize, but instead, I have some suggestions for you:
1. If you hate black people and are not open to reason or logic, you can probably delete me and go live under a rock, under the sea, where there's no oxygen. Kidding. (Kinda).
2. If you just aren't sure how you feel about all of this and you think all law enforcement should never be questioned and they can do no wrong ever, and what's up with all of these black people killing each other anyway? You should start listening. Start paying attention. Get out of your white comfort zone. Come hang out with the Moores! We are pretty cool people, even though we're 50 shades of brown and peach (sorry, no grey)! Seriously, start educating yourselves on things that may make you uncomfortable. I take that back. Start educating yourselves on things that WILL make you uncomfortable.
If nothing else, start asking questions about these officer-involved shootings: would this happen if it were a white person? White guys, if you've been in situations with police officers, did this happen to you? When you got a little testy with the cops, were you ever afraid for your life? Did you think, "Gosh, I should shut up or I might take a bullet?" No? Well, that's white privilege. Be thankful for it, but recognize it and use it to speak up for people who aren't as lucky because they were born with melanin that works better than yours.
3. If you are sick of seeing another black guy get killed every other day, take action. Call your legislators. Tell them you are done with this and you are demanding change. They make the laws after all. Ask them what legislation can be enacted to better train local law enforcement. Law enforcement should not be reacting with gunfire in every situation. It's not necessary. Why are local law enforcement handling traffic stops as war time situations? What can be done to better educate law enforcement, leaders in our communities on cultural differences?
4. You aren't very political and don't think your legislators will do anything? OK, get to know some black people. You have some neighbors or people in your church or school that are black? Go talk to them! Seriously. I am convinced that we're all just 5-year-olds on the inside and we've forgotten that. Invite them onto your committees. Compliment them on their new hair-do. God forbid, have your kids get to know their kids. Yes, there are differences between black people and white people. Duh! Instead of being scared of those differences, let's acknowledge them. This is not rocket science, people. It's called being decent humans and maybe getting out of our comfort zones and including others, who may (or get this, may NOT) be different from us. Didn't we all learn this in kindergarten??
OK, rant over. Maybe someone will be enlightened. Maybe you'll just hate me more. Either way, you know where Rebecca Moore stands. I hope you don't delete me if you disagree with me. Let's keep talking about this stuff! Seriously, if you disagree with me, message me. Let's get together and talk.
At the end of the day, where will you be on the day one of my black children needs you? Will you stand up with us and for us?
Becky, I wish this was more powerful and eloquently written like yours, but here are my thoughts: http://momentsandadventures.blogspot.com/2016/07/my-traffic-stop-what-didnt-happen-to.html
ReplyDeleteAwesome, Lindsay. Thanks for being so open and vulnerable with your experience and thoughts on what's happening. Keep writing about the hard stuff. Keep thinking and commenting on issues involving race, even though you're white. You have a brain (and a good one, at that) - that makes you qualified! :) We're only going to tackle these issues by not letting fear win, on many levels. Love your writing. Love this post. Thanks for sharing it!!
ReplyDelete